


the specter's spectator

by eunbinatozaki



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, the main ship is heeves but it focuses on everyone at some point in time, this is basically a self indulgent gossip girl au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-03-16 22:52:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13646097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunbinatozaki/pseuds/eunbinatozaki
Summary: or, sooyoung and heejin and all the twists on the path of their ever-winding lives.





	1. the beginnings end (PROLOGUE / PREVIEW)

**Author's Note:**

> loona has easily taken over my head lately, and this was the result of 2 am talks and planning. enjoy!
> 
> @sojungbi on twt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a preview of what’s to come in this story. update’s soon. 
> 
> enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter // chuuniversai

“why are you doing this?”

sooyoung stops, one hand on the doorknob, the other tightening slowly around the strap of her bag that she’d lazily thrown over her shoulder. she doesn’t turn to look at heejin, doesn’t dare even glance to see the state in which she’s trying to leave things in.

it was only moments ago that they were wrapped around each other, sharing whispers of promises of their future plans that the topic of heejin’s family dilemma had come up. sooyoung knows it’s a sensitive conversation for the younger girl to have, can sense it in the tightening of her jaw and the way her fingers stop tracing patterns against the exposed skin of her side for the briefest moment before resuming.

(despite the minuscule pause, heejin is otherwise great at hiding her discomfort. but sooyoung _knows_ her now, in a way that she never thought she would. she knows what every sigh and look means, knows all too well that this still eats heejin up inside despite the strong mask she wears.

sooyoung remembers her own once strong mask, now cracked and stashed away in the dark corners of her mind.)

heejin had ignored the topic, had gone on to comment about how she couldn’t wait to fly to paris in the following week and how she would miss sooyoung while she was away. heejin always did this, sooyoung realized, would run and hide from the problem at hand rather than deal, because maybe she was afraid of the outcome. but sooyoung hated it, she hated not knowing if heejin actually cared. so she pushed.

and pushed

and **pushed**.

until heejin sits up with a frown (a stark and unflattering contrast to her usual smile), “drop it, soo. we’re not talking about this.” the words were quiet but strict, a demand lost behind a demure, resolute face. and if sooyoung and heejin were anyone else, maybe she would take that as it were and move on. but she wasn’t, and neither was heejin, and sooyoung couldn’t deal with the unknown.

“aren’t you tired of just—i don’t know—doing everything daddy says? aren’t you tired of being pulled on a string and manipulated?” sooyoung sits up as well, hands reaching for heejin’s, ignoring the way the younger girl doesn’t return the embrace for the first time, and plows on, “aren’t you tired of being a jeon? being one of _them_?”

heejin pulls her hands away from sooyoung’s, a humorless chuckle falling from her lips. she sweeps a hand through her hair, looks at everything around her expensive room, everything that isn’t sooyoung. “in case you haven’t noticed, i _am_ a jeon. that doesn’t change just because you want to play white knight.”

sooyoung raises a brow. “i’m not—“

“i don’t care, sooyoung! this is my life and you, no matter what you say or do, aren’t going to change it.”

sooyoung pauses, words on the tip of her tongue, but she bites them back. she refuses to fight with heejin, refuses to be the one labeled as wrong when she sees this life for what it really is. if heejin wants to be lost, then sooyoung won’t be the light at the end of the tunnel for her.

so she slides from the bed with a mutter of _fine then_ under her breath, ignores the sigh heejin lets out as she gathers her things, and doesn’t spare her a glance as she moves to the door.

and here they stand now, frozen in time, heejin’s simple but loaded question hanging heavy between them. sooyoung doesn’t bother with trying to rectify this when she knows it’s a lost cause. she’s not going to fall down this path again, not when she knows how it ends.

“i’m doing this because i want better for you and to save you from this hell.”

she doesn’t wait for an answer, but that doesn’t stop her from hearing the _i didn’t ask to be saved_ follow her as she walks away.

(somewhere, she thinks she hears heejin’s mask crack, too.)


	2. what’s a jeon to a genius?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooyoung is alone with her thoughts (about one jeon heejin and everything she’s about).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter / chuuniversai

sooyoung is twenty-one when she officially meets _the_ jeon heejin.

jeon heejin is the stereotypical rich girl sooyoung is used to: nineteen, pretty, bright, a smile that lights up a room, and a frown that instantly has everyone scrambling to fix their mistakes. jeon heejin is, in fact, everything sooyoung remembers being years ago, and glad she isn’t any longer.

sooyoung watches from the back of the large crowd with dark, tired eyes hidden behind even darker sunglasses, leather jacket sticking to her arms and back under the sweltering sun (she has an “reputation” to portray and protect, heat stroke be damned—at least she’ll die looking good), as the younger girl stands on the stage before her, smile plastered on her face as she gesticulates wildly, no doubt winning over every posh and important business suit that listens to her spiel.

she hears the murmurs around her, things like _this young lady will do great when she takes over her parents company_ or _she’s quite bright for someone so young_ , and it makes sooyoung scowl. because, really, who are they to say how good or bad jeon heejin will be at whatever she does later on in life? all she’s doing is being a stand in for a small charity event, hoping and praying that people donate because she’s either a) too cute to ignore, b) knows her family name holds enough power to be sure that people do donate regardless of if they care about the cause or not, or c) both a & b. it’s daughter of business 101, nothing special. sooyoung could do it easily.

( _you have done it_ , she reminds herself, scowl deepening.)

when sooyoung shakes herself from her thoughts, she sees the crowd dispersing, some heading back to their expensive and exuberant cars, others staying to mingle and chat and maybe find a lucrative business or two. it’s all so... polished and corporate. it reminds her too much of then and not now, too much of meetings that went on for hours and sleazy business men telling her how pretty she was in hopes that she was too naive to notice that they were trying to tip scales in their favor if they complimented her enough. sooyoung hates the idea of it all.

a throat clears beside her and sooyoung startles, hand to her chest and sunglasses slipping down the bridge of her nose as she turns, meeting the amused yet confused gaze of one jo haseul. her gaze sweeps over her friend, remembers being dragged around store after store as haseul shopped for her perfect shirt/skirt combo, and she smiles when she notices that haseul did take her advice and opted out of wearing the hideous green shawl she had seen in the window of one of the many stores they passed (if haseul was intent on staying her friend, then she had to look their age, not like she was an elderly—sooyoung wouldn’t stand for it).

haseul looks at the stage, then back to sooyoung with her arms crossed over her chest and a brow raised. “what are you doing here, soo? we’re not supposed to be meeting up until jinsol’s done with practice later.”

sooyoung smiles at the confusion and slight suspicion that laces haseul’s words and reaches out to grab her hand, “you put so much work into helping the jeon’s plan this event, i wanted to come show my support. i know it meant a lot to you.”

sooyoung may not care for the aspect of being in that life anymore, but haseul still is fully immersed and she’d be damned if she allowed that to get in the way of a friendship thats been going on since sooyoung first met the younger girl when they were six. so wherever haseul goes, sooyoung is there, and vice versa. so even if being here makes her skin crawl and those voices scream in the back of her head while they put a vice grip around her heart, she’ll stand tall because it’s important to haseul and thus important to her.

there’s a squeeze to her hand and she’s met with haseul’s now smiling eyes, thumb hooked over her shoulder and already pulling away to run toward a crowd that’s waving her down, “give me twenty and then we’ll go grab a bite, wait around until ‘sol is done!” sooyoung waves her off without question, knows that if haseul says they’re doing something, then she (and jinsol when they’re together), are instantly doing it even if they don’t want to.

she pushes herself away from the tree she had claimed when she first showed up to the event, slips her sunglasses from her face and clips them into her shirt, and merely saunters around the area until she finds herself at the end of stage and watching as jeon heejin speaks to the few people that surround her. she ignores the few looks she gets as she pulls herself up to sit on the edge of the stage, because _is it true? could the infamous ha sooyoung actually be here?_ and cradles her chin in her palm, foot tapping as she waits.

soon enough, her presence has people moving to leave (she may not _want_ to be ha sooyoung anymore, but she still _is_ and the name still holds its power) and a frown pulls at her mouth as she watches a card being slipped into jeon’s hand before bidding goodbye. sooyoung should feel amused at the comical way jeon jumps and lets out a screech when she turns and sees her sat there, but all she does is raise a single brow at the card, now crinkled, wedged in jeon’s fist.

she nods her head at the card, doesn’t bother with pleasantries or introductions despite this being their first meeting, then, “what’s that? phone number so he can truly ‘embrace your ideas’ or something?”

jeon looks at the card briefly, thumb smoothing out a persistent wrinkle, and holds it up for sooyoung to see without a word. she recognizes the name plastered across the card (how can she not when she remembers the intimidating face of the im patriarch that greeted her whenever she accompanied haseul out to tutor an even younger than now im yeojin) and feels her frown pull deeper until there’s a twinge at her jaw from the strain.

“you should just toss it. no point in following up on the im’s—they already have more than enough assets.”

jeon barely bats an eye as she tucks the card away into the pocket of her dress, pointedly ignoring the offended scoff sooyoung lets out. she fluffs the ends of her hair, pretends to pick at lint on her sleeve and sooyoung actually does let out a laugh at the effort she puts into trying to make herself sound unaffected, “so what is the ha sooyoung doing here. we heard you don’t associate anymore?”

sooyoung blinks and then glances to the side with a sniff. she is not here to be questioned, and definitely not by the likes of jeon heejin or her people. she knows her legacy, both before and after, and she knows everyone else knows. but she is not here to relive it or tell it to someone who wouldn’t even understand it. so she does what she does best: takes back control and decides she’ll make her understand it.

“don’t you get bored? doing this?” at jeon’s confused face, sooyoung has to hold back rolling her eyes and waves a hand around them, “this. being here and doing all these things because mommy and daddy asks you to?” she slips from the stage with a glance at the watch on her wrist, realizes her twenty minutes for waiting for haseul is down to seconds, and shoots a smile toward jeon’s affronted frown.

she reaches out and plucks the card from jeon’s pocket and rips it in half before placing it back into her pocket once more. “if you ever get tired of being the jeon family lap dog, come find me. i’ll show you the real side of this... business.”

sooyoung doesn’t allow jeon to respond, just slips her sunglasses back onto her face and barely spares her a parting wave as she makes her way to where haseul stands by her car, ignoring the questioning look the girl sends between her and the still shocked jeon heejin.

haseul smacks her shoulder, _hard_ , and sooyoung whines. “do i even want to know what you did to poor heejin?”

“i haven’t done anything—” sooyoung smirks, despite the sting burning across her shoulder, and slips into the car with a laugh as haseul reaches for her again. she settles into her seat and takes a glance through the side mirror, watches as jeon heejin enters her own car with a frown and barely a glance at her family driver,

“—yet, anyway.”


	3. the makings of disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regret isn’t something jeon heejin knows.

heejin remembers the way sooyoung had drunkenly swaggered up to her hours ago, fingers curled around the neck of a three-quarters empty beer bottle and a smirk on her face that had heejin flushing immediately as the girl welcome her into her home.

sooyoung’s breath reeked of alcohol, vodka staining her words as they slurred out between them, the low and breathless drawl of her voice a stark contrast to the rather unruly party raging around them. heejin doesn’t remember how she ended up at the party (it was something to do with hyunjin and wanting to let loose) and she said as much, watched the way the information pulls sooyoung’s smirk into a frown.

(she knows how sooyoung feels about hyunjin, how hyunjin feels in return. the ha and kim rivalry is known far and wide, dating back generations. and somehow, despite sooyoung wanting nothing to do with her family, that rivalry still holds true now between the two and it puts heejin in an awkward spot, what with hyunjin being her best friend and sooyoung being her _something_.)

but for some reason, despite all the warning signs in her head, it doesn’t stop heejin from sticking closer to the older girl. doesn’t stop her from taking the offered drinks sooyoung passes her way or returning the secret smiles they pass each other when they think the other isn’t looking.

this sooyoung is different. this isn’t the sooyoung she talked to days before at the fundraiser, the one full of calm control, the one who held heejin by a string in the mere five minutes that they spoke to each other. this sooyoung is softer around the rough edges, cooler to the touch where it used to seem like the burned far too hot. she asks and waits until heejin answers, rather than barreling ahead without a care like she did before. she seems genuinely interested when heejin shyly (and oh so drunkenly) rambles on about the fact that she hates the life she lives, that she hates what her parents are making her become. when sooyoung recounts moments of her past, of feeling the same way then that heejin does now, heejin feels a connection unlike anything she thought she’d feel with anyone other than hyunjin — and with ha sooyoung no less.

it’s only when heejin’s phone vibrates a couple hours later that realizes that she has, in fact, spent the better part of her time there with sooyoung. so when she opens the text and sees that it’s hyunjin asking where she is and if she’s ready to go, heejin doesn’t hesitate in telling her that she’s already left ages ago.

she doesn’t think twice when she shuts her phone off.

she doesn’t blink when sooyoung offers her a smirk and her hand as she leads heejin deeper into the night.

when heejin wakes, it’s hours later. the pounding bass from the party is gone and it feels like it moved into her head instead. her mouth is dry and her arm is numb, and when she shifts she feels cotton sheets slide across the skin of her bare back. she stiffens, mind reeling before settling once she remembers where she is, who she was with.

when she shifts to turn, she expects to see sooyoung beside her. expects to pick off where they left off yesterday, to fill in gaps in her memory and close out old conversations to start anew. what she doesn’t expect, though, is to see sooyoung stood in the middle of the room, phone to her ear and lazily tossing items into a backpack while getting dressed.

she wants to call out, ask her to come back and remember last night, but sooyoung laughs at something someone says over the phone, mumbles out a _i’ll be there soon_ , and heejin’s mouth clamps shut.

she knows better to expect, knows better than to hope and wish. because she’s jeon heejin and that’s ha sooyoung and whatever happened before is just that: what happened before and nothing more. a night in a drunken memory and heejin should know that, she should accept it and move on.

but heejin is nothing if not persistent.

she sits up, eyes drifting around the room before she finds her shirt from last night (hyunjin’s shirt, hyunjin who is going to be so so mad at her) hanging from the edge of the bed and grabs it to slip it over herself. she swallows and straightens her back, tells herself that it’s just sooyoung, that she can do this and that she’ll stay strong.

“so,” heejin starts, eyes wandering to look at everything that isn’t sooyoung once the girl turns at her voice, fingers curling together in her lap, “do you come here often?”

sooyoung stops from where she’s grabbing a shirt from the pile on the floor, absently ending her call and slipping the phone into the pocket of her jeans, eyebrow raised and gaze casting around her before settling on heejin once more.  
  
(heejin stiffens, eyes suddenly wide. it was dumb to ask, so so dumb. and she knows, because—)  
  
“come often to my own bedroom?” sooyoung nods once, barely noticeable to someone who isn’t paying attention the way heejin is and tugs the shirt over her head, “then yes, i do.” she doesn’t say anything to heejin as she checks her reflection in the mirror, fingers combing through her hair to give her that perfectly unkempt (yet so charmingly sooyoung) look, then turns to leave.  
  
“try to be gone by time i get back, yeah? can’t have any pets in the place, you know.”

heejin startles at the phrase, fingers gripping tight at the blankets still pooled in her lap. she knows that this is how sooyoung is, because it’s very reminiscent of their first meeting. but it doesn’t make it hurt any less, especially after their time together last night. it’s stupid, she thinks, to expect one night of drinks and conversation and everything else to suddenly turn sooyoung into a saint, but it doesn’t stop her from calling out again.

sooyoung turns at her interruption, interest piqued and heejin counts it as a win for the day.

“do you think, maybe—”, she waves her hand around vaguely, refusing to back down from the look sooyoung is giving her and plows on, “that we could hang out again sometime?”

“hang out? doesn’t your best friend, like, hate my guts?”

heejin clears her throat and twists the ends of her hair between her fingers, eyes suddenly flying to the corner of the room in embarrassment, then, “well, hyun doesn’t have to know.”

sooyoung chuckles and heejin swallows against a suddenly dry throat, gaze shifting to watch the way the older girl digs into her backpack to pull out a pen as she makes her way back over to the bed. she takes heejin’s hand and quickly scrawls her number across her palm, then signs the number with a kiss to heejin’s palm, her dark red lipstick staining her skin, and heejin has no choice but to stare in awe as sooyoung barely spares her another glance as she heads for the door once more.

“who knew daddy’s little girl had such guts in her to rebel. i could almost say i’m proud.”

(and heejin feels her chest swell. because even if it isn’t much, ha sooyoung is proud of her and her alone. and it’s dumb and idiotic, to think sooyoung’s approval means anything right now, but it does and heejin wants to squeal.)

“but stil, i was serious about the other thing—no pets. so scram, jeon.”

\-------------------

“i don’t know why you’re giving ha sooyoung any of your attention,” hyunjin states bitterly an hour later, almost like an afterthought as she turns back to the mirror to finish putting on her makeup. she knows the rumors that surround ha sooyoung, can vividly remember the way her parents lips curled when they spoke about her descent from graced glory; remembers how they warned her to never follow behind the likes of her.

she remembers the way her parents spoke of sooyoung’s, how even heejin’s parents spoke of hers, and how they told the girls to never associate with a ha because they were nothing but trouble. nothing but the scum of an otherwise respectable society they all lived in.  
  
(hyunjin would never, not like that. but heejin is different, she knows, can see it in how she acts now.)

despite her feelings toward sooyoung, hyunjin had diligently listened when heejin had burst into her bedroom in a flurry, retelling her night full of drinks and conversations with sooyoung, apologies for lying about leaving flying out in between every story. she knows it’s tough for heejin, to be the face of one of the most powerful families in the country, so she understands the need to rebel, she does. but why does it have to be ha sooyoung of all people.

  
she hears heejin sigh, low and heavy and breathless under all the worry no nineteen year old should carry on their shoulders. so she understands it more so, knows why heejin lied and why she did what she did, but she hopes it is, in fact, the last. hopes that ha sooyoung is nothing more than the past and not the future; and she says as much, voice low and full of concern.

but heejin lives without regrets. she knows this, she knows it all too well.

  
(“i don’t know either, hyun. sooyoung interests me and—“ heejin points out later, pointedly ignoring hyunjin’s scoff a s squeezing her hands together behind her back, desperately hiding the number and sooyoung’s unsaid promise from hyunjin, “—and i want to be of interest to her, too.”)


	4. the tale of heartbreak: the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, heejin crashes, hyunjin learns the hard way, and everything isn’t what it seems.

it’s choi yerim, eighteen-year-old prodigy and the country’s sweetheart, that convinces heejin into a night out.

really, it’s of no surprise that of all people, yerim is able to do it. while heejin may be older, the year in between them is nothing compared to the experience the younger girl has. where heejin had been flying across seas for extravagant trips to exotic lands, yerim had been put into pr training classes, learning how to control the masses with the best of them. when heejin decided to drop out of college in her second year to further pursue the family business, yerim was already graduating pre-law with honors, her face plastered across the news as _the next supreme judge choi_.

she’s a machine, heejin had decided, because no human could do what choi yerim did.

“so you’re definitely coming, right?” yerim questions again, fingers curling around the crease of heejin’s arm. yerim blinks up at her, smile tooth-achingly sweet and practically bouncing on her toes. it would be cute, heejin thinks, if not for the way that yerim’s grip tightens that much more when heejin takes too long to answer.

“yes, yes,” she mumbles, patting yerim’s hand until she relents and lets go, heejin rubbing at the indents left on her skin. “it’s your big day, after all—not everyday that choi yerim gets picked to sit on as temporary judge of one of the most high profile court cases of the year, right?”

yerim’s smile turns tight, head tilting to the side as she appraises heejin. “you’re right about that. definitely not everyday, no.” she sniffs once then suddenly her regular smile is back, hand shooting out to grab heejin’s eagerly. “and you’re going to bring hyunjin, too, right? i haven’t seen her since your joint birthday party months ago!”

(also known as: the birthday party where hyunjin had gotten so drunk that when socialite princess park chaewon had stepped through the door with a smirk on her smart mouth, hyunjin had slapped her clear across the face for even daring to show up before promptly throwing up in the (empty) gift bag chaewon had in her hands.

safe to say, aside from heejin, no one has really seen much of hyunjin since then.)

heejin nods in agreement again, lets yerim squeal and hug her, before the younger girl is turning on her heel and bounding out of heejin’s room and down the winding staircase, “see you tonight then, don’t be late!”

————

when heejin steps into the club later that night, she feels like it’s the beginning of a very bad nightmare. the place is packed, as she assumed it would be, but it feels like there’s more than what there should be, as if more came along in order to witness a show. she says as much to a scowling hyunjin beside her, the taller girl shoving away the roaming hand of a drunk man leaning against the wall beside them. hyunjin scoffs, grabbing heejin’s hand and leading her through throngs of gyrating bodies, not stopping once until they’re at the base of a staircase sequestered off by a blood red velvet rope.

“hyun! heejinnie! up here!”

yerim’s leaning over the railing above, both hands stretched out as if trying to grab and haul them up herself, usual smile on her flushed face. heejin guessed that yerim, always the resident lightweight, is probably a few shots in already from the way the younger girl giggles as hyunjin rolls her eyes. their dynamic always makes for a good time — it’s something heejin is hoping for to quell this uneasy feeling in her stomach.

when they finally make their way upstairs, heejin isn’t surprised to see jungeun and jiwoo tucked away into the corner of the booth, both nursing shots and whispering back and forth between them.

(kim jungeun and kim jiwoo are somewhat of enigmas to heejin.

when heejin was sixteen, the two older girls just suddenly showed up in town with not a parent in sight and nothing more than several trust funds tied to their names. they had bought the recently vacated yoon estate, enrolled into the private high school they all attended, and then suddenly they were just always _there_.

but despite the last few years she's spent getting used to the duo, all she really knows of the two is that you will never see them separated, and if you’re lucky enough to, then the other isn’t too far behind, anyway.)

heejin smiles toward them, laughing quietly to herself at jungeun’s stoic nod and jiwoo’s slightly more animated wave, before she suddenly has an arm full of a still giggling yerim.

“you made it!” she hiccups, clutching at heejin’s cheeks and squishing them together, then turning and attempting to do the same to hyunjin (before promptly having her hands batted away with a snarl). yerim pouts briefly but doesn’t let it deter her before she turns back to heejin with her smile firmly in place again, “i’m glad you finally made it! now tonight’s really going to be more fun!”

heejin blinks, glancing back at the snicker she hears slip from jungeun (or jiwoo, she never knows with them), then turns to yerim again. “what do you mean more fun? is something happening?”

yerim doesn’t say anything, just shrugs and glances at her phone when it chimes against the table. she smiles at whatever notification she gets, not even bothering with a reply before she casts a look back down to the floor below.

heejin follows her gaze, confused. she goes to question the younger girl, to ask why this night is so special all of a sudden, but hyunjin’s whispered _for fucks sake_ sounds beside her, the taller’s hand reaching out to point to none other than ha sooyoung stepping through the door.

“here’s to tonight!” yerim calls, a glass held high in the air, jungeun and jiwoo echoing the sentiment behind her as hyunjin downs three consecutive shots and falls back into the booth with a sigh.

————

it’s when yerim leans back over the railing after downing her shot, yelling out sooyoung’s name and demanding her attention, that heejin instantly pulls the younger girl back and clamps a hand over her mouth.

“are you insane?” she hisses, eyes narrowing at the giggles that fan across her palm. she whips her hand away when yerim playfully licks her and whines, scowling at how it only seems to humor yerim even further.

“what’s wrong with sooyoungie? she’s nice!” the younger girl states, eyes dancing across heejin’s face as if searching for something. it seems she found whatever she was looking for, because her smile stretches until it seems her face may break and she leans closer to heejin, “do you not like sooyoung, heejin?”

heejin balks, because she can’t say she doesn’t like the older girl when, for all her friends aside from hyunjin know, she’s never interacted with sooyoung. they’re essentially strangers in the eyes of the public, merely two people who occupy the same spaces sometimes.

(heejin hates thinking that the one space they did occupy together recently was sooyoung’s bed.)

so she shakes head, much too quickly and much too erratic to be considered normal, and forces her usual jeon smile onto her face. yerim takes it in stride, doesn't even bat an eye as she goes back to the railing and calls for sooyoung again, eyes watching heejin all the while as sooyoung finally makes her way upstairs.

sooyoung’s flanked by two people as she steps into their area: jo haseul (heejin remembers her as the upperclassmen who tutored all her through freshmen _and_ sophomore math) and a blonde that quickly introduces herself as “jung jinsol, professional pretty person” when she catches them all staring.

it’s awkward, heejin thinks, to say the least. hyunjin hasn’t said a word since she noticed sooyoung’s presence, only using her time to knock back shot after shot with barely any time in between. jungeun and jiwoo have seemed to find something interesting in jinsol’s presence (if her somehow finding herself quickly sandwiched between the two is any indication). haseul has been ping-ponging between sooyoung, heejin, and a smiling yerim for several tense seconds, only breaking the silence with a cough and a mumbled excuse of gibberish to slide in beside hyunjin without another backward glance.

it’s only when yerim steps between them that heejin realizes she’d been staring at sooyoung without saying anything, the younger girl instantly turning on her heels and speed walking back down the stairs and into the crowd, only sparingly hearing yerim’s gleeful _what a fun turn!_ float above her.

————

it’s an hour and hiding away in a back room of the club later when heejin sees sooyoung again. the older girl is downstairs again, body pressed tight to a redhead, arms wrapped around her waist and lips on her neck.

they’re doing what one could loosely call dancing (their movements don’t match the commanding pace of the song playing at all, and heejin has enough wherewithal to be conscious of sooyoung’s known and extensive background in dance to know that she can do better than whatever… that is), but she stands there regardless, watching. it’s obvious that while sooyoung isn’t blackout drunk, she is tipsy enough to be considered reckless, and it sparks something in heejin that reminds her of whispered _i-want-you’s_ and the hickey on her neck that she had to cover up daily.

it sparks something that makes heejin push through the crowd when sooyoung glances up and catches her eye.

it sparks something that makes her tug sooyoung away from the girl without a word, pulling her deeper into the crowd.

heejin doesn’t say anything as she stops abruptly a moment later, just reaches back and grabs sooyoung’s arms and wraps them around her own waist. there’s no need to talk, she decides, just lets the quickly changing beat pound through her frame, lets it carry her through a lazy dance that sooyoung quickly follows.

there’s nothing spoken between them, and heejin prays it stays that way. because this is the sooyoung she remembers, the sooyoung who sat with her for hours and made her feel _heard_. this is the sooyoung that took what heejin offered and gave in return.

sooyoung presses her face to heejin’s neck and pulls her closer, breath feathering over her skin as she breathes out, “missed me, jeon?” and heejin doesn’t care, she nods and nods again, hands lifting to curl her fingers into sooyoung’s hair. “that’s cute, princess wants to play.”

there’s a laugh against her neck and heejin jolts from sooyoung’s grasp, senses finally back to the forefront. this is dumb, so so dumb. they’re in public, all their friends are here — hyunjin is here. hyunjin, who could easily see everything and know heejin lied to her for the first time in their nineteen years of friendship.

heejin chances a glance back to the booth upstairs, nerves easing when she doesn’t see hyunjin, but chest constricting when she notices yerim’s bright, smiling face looking directly back at her.

yerim raises her glass again, smile slipping into something more subdued, more mischievous, and mouths _to tonight_ down at heejin. and it, along with sooyoung’s fleeting touch to her waist and exit toward the door, is enough to have heejin following behind her.

————

the last time heejin was properly this close to sooyoung, the older girl had her pinned against silk sheets and her mouth was hot on her neck. heejin remembers the prick of teeth against her jugular, the blood rushing forward as sooyoung dared to mark otherwise unblemished porcelain. she remembers how the older girl dodged every attempt she made at connecting their lips; sooyoung bobbing when heejin weaved, the girl making sure they never met in the middle during their entire night together.

this time, it’s heejin who dodges sooyoung’s attempts at a kiss, the older girl reeking of alcohol and bad decisions. there’s a sway to her steps that normally would entice anyone who she passes, but all it does is remind heejin that sooyoung is far beyond her limits, far beyond realization.

“why won’t you kiss me?” sooyoung slurs, eyes drooping as she saunters into heejin’s space again, pressing the younger against the brick wall of the club they’re outside. heejin can still hear the pounding of the bass inside each time the door beside them opens, can still feel the phantom touch sooyoung had left against her waist mere minutes ago as they passed each other on the dance floor, much too close and much too hot, a request for heejin to follow.

“why don’t you want to kiss me this time, heejin?” sooyoung’s too close again, tip of her nose scaling heejin’s jaw as she speaks, hands skating down her sides before they settle on her waist, “you wanted to kiss me the other week, why not now?”

heejin wants to yell, to say that it’s because sooyoung’s drunk and it’s not right. to say it’s because hyunjin is inside, waiting for her to come back. to say it’s because sooyoung’s friends are inside, too, waiting for her. to say it’s yerim’s knowing eyes that make her hesitate. to say it’s because none of them know that the two have a secret, that they’re connected in ways heejin swore to hyunjin that they weren’t.

she wants to say it’s because this is the first time sooyoung has ever said her name. not _jeon_ or _princess_. but heejin.

(because when she’s _heejin_ , it means sooyoung won’t remember. it means tomorrow she’ll just be another faded memory, another plaything that got tossed around when sooyoung was bored.

she doesn’t want to be heejin now.)

so she says nothing, just grips tight at the sleeves of sooyoung’s loose top.

she says nothing, but pulls sooyoung closer until she can smell the tequila lingering on her breath.

she says nothing when they finally connect, sooyoung’s grip on her waist tightening as she presses that much closer.

she says nothing as the door beside them opens and the music rattles her bones, too preoccupied with sooyoung’s teeth sinking into her bottom lip to hear the purses that clatter to the ground beside them.

(she realizes, too late, that she should have said something—)

“what the fuck,” hyunjin snarls, fingers gripping sooyoung’s shoulder and pulling her from heejin’s grasp, “what the actual _fuck_ , heejin!”

sooyoung stumbles against the opposite wall and heejin wants to reach out and help, to bring her back in and explain, but the older girl just laughs and wipes at her lips with her thumb as she straightens. she gives a cursory glance to a shocked heejin and a fuming hyunjin, usual smirk cracking her once stoic features as she turns to head back in,

“see you, jeon.”

(—because now she has to say everything.)

————

its been almost ten minutes of pure silence since sooyoung left her and hyunjin alone, the taller girl doing nothing more than picking up the dropped purses from the ground.

hyunjin hasn’t even looked in heejin’s direction since she found them, eyes staring defiantly down the dark alleyway and jaw tight. heejin wants to reach out, to call out to her and ask her, _beg her_ , to say something, to do anything. but she knows she doesn’t have the right to ask anything, not when this is all her fault.

it’s another stretch of tense silence before hyunjin finally turns to her, gaze distant and shoulders curled back.

(heejin knows that look. it’s the same one hyunjin gave to dean shin after she had been called into his office after she got into a fist fight with a boy who had snuck into the locker room to sneak pictures of heejin.

it’s the same look she gave lee felix when he dumped heejin three hours before cotillion, only to show up on the arm of park chaewon.

it’s the same look she gave to her parents when they told her that _just because heejin dropped out of college, doesn’t mean you can either_.

it’s the look she gives to anyone who has ever wronged her when it came to heejin or anyone who has ever hurt heejin.

it’s the look that screams _you mean nothing to me_.

and now, heejin faces it herself.)

“how long?” hyunjin questions, voice low and monotone, fingers shaking from how tight she grips the purses. “how long have you been sneaking around with her? how long have you been _lying to me_?”

heejin shakes her head, hand outstretched as she steps toward hyunjin. the taller girl instantly steps back and heejin stops, swallowing hard against a dry throat. she’s never had to deal with a mad-at-her hyunjin, not like this.

(the most she had to conquer was hyunjin not talking to her for a day in the fourth grade after heejin went out in the winter snow without her coat and mittens and had gotten herself so sick to the point that she couldn’t be around other people. hyunjin had gotten her mom to send over soup with a note that said _kim hyunjin is mad at jeon heejin, so this soup is made without love!_ )

but this, heejin knows, is something that can’t be fixed with the promise of snowmen and snow angels in the park or hot chocolate (with six extra marshmallows) and a harry potter marathon in the cinema room.

this hyunjin is far different than hyunjin from years ago. and that scares heejin more than anything.

“i wasn’t sneaking around with her, hyun. i—i didn’t know she would be here.” she takes a step toward hyunjin again, heart pounding in relief when she doesn’t step away again. heejin grabs at her hands, forcing her to loosen her grip on the bags so she can lace their fingers together tightly, “i promise, hyunnie. i _didn’t_ know.”

she can see the confliction on hyunjin’s face, because her words contradict her actions. she didn’t know that sooyoung would be there tonight, but that doesn’t explain why hyunjin found them the way she did. it doesn’t explain why heejin followed her out to begin with. it doesn’t explain why heejin cares about ha sooyoung so fucking much.

“so why were you—why was sooyoung with you?” hyunjin sounds so distressed, so utterly lost, that it has heejin’s head spinning, instantly dropping hyunjin’s hands to grasp at her cheeks when she sees tears welling up in the taller girls eyes. “heejin?”

heejin shakes her head quickly, tongue heavy in her mouth as she tries to figure out what to say. she can’t lie to hyunjin again, she can’t throw sooyoung under the bus and say she cornered her. she can’t continue to try and stay in the clear.

“hyun—hyunjinnie.” she shakes her head again, hands sliding to hyunjin’s neck, “ _kitten._ ” she sees the recognition flash in hyunjin’s eyes at the rare endearment, can see that hyunjin knows she’s serious. “i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry.” her hands shake where they rest on hyunjin’s neck so she drops them to the girls shoulders, squeezing tightly, “i—i slept with sooyoung at that party a couple weeks back.”

heejin feels hyunjin detach before the girl actually moves away, the tears that originally sat unshed now sliding down her face. her eyebrows come together tightly and heejin wants to press her thumb against it, to relax hyunjin like she always had when it happened before, but she can’t, not when it’s her doing.

“you what?”

heejin goes to speak, but hyunjin’s suddenly stern glare has her mouth snapping shut, wide eyes watching as realization dawns on her face. hyunjin straightens and moves to stand in front of heejin again, the fresh tears in her eyes the only indication of how she’s truly feeling with the new revelation. “so when you told me you spent the night just talking with sooyoung at a party, you mean you _fucked_ her?”

the word is said so harshly that heejin feels like she was slapped across the face, her hands shaking by her sides so hard that she clutches at the ends of her dress to steady them. she doesn’t dare speak, so she just nods and the sharp breath that hyunjin sucks in is all heejin gets as an answer before she’s turning and heading in the opposite direction.

she’s after hyunjin in an instant. heejin doesn’t care if it’s desperate, or if she’s undeserving, she just knows she can’t lose hyunjin, she can’t lose her other half.

“hyun, please. wait!”

hyunjin whips around so fast that heejin slams into her, eyes wide. “why, heejin? so you can tell me you’re sorry again and that it won’t happen _again_?” she scoffs, hand reaching up to angrily wipe at the tears on her face, head shaking. “you lied to me so you could keep going on with your little… relationship with ha sooyoung, of all people.”

hyunjin takes a deep breath, head tilting back as she stares at the sky. heejin knows she’s trying not to cry again, has seen hyunjin try this trick time and time again. “you didn’t just lie, heejin. you lied to me. not to your parents or some stranger on the street—to _me_.”

heejin grabs for hyunjin’s hand again between both of her own, holding it tight against her chest, right where her heart is pounding rapidly, right where her half of their matching pendants rests. “please, hyun. i won’t see her again, i’ll cut her off! just—please don’t leave.” hyunjin pulls away at that and heejin breaks, her chest heaving with the sob that wracks through it almost instantly.

“i can see it on your face that you can’t just cut her off. you’re in too deep already. so stop with the lying, just this once.”

hyunjin takes in a deep breath and steels herself, slipping back into the stoic facade she usually saves for business meetings her parents drag her to and six a.m. lectures, then,

“but i guess lying is just a signature jeon trait, huh?”

she doesn’t spare heejin another glance, doesn’t stop when the girl screams her name after her, and just quickens her steps until she turns the corner and leaves heejin’s cries floating in the night air.

————

(it’s three blocks later that hyunjin slips into the black car that eases up beside her, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks and body shaking out of anger and hurt.

a hand rests on her knee, comforting yet cold, as if placating a sulking child, “sorry you had to find out that way.”

hyunjin sniffles. she can hear yerim’s high, drunk giggle across from her and barely registers jungeun and jiwoo’s whispers of thinly concealed gossip, but the hand on her knee is what bothers, and oddly grounds her, most.

“just take me home.”

there’s a chuckle, the hand squeezes her knee, then moves to slide a now droopy-eyed yerim’s head onto their shoulder,

“as you wish.”)


	5. the tale of heartbreak: the respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, hyunjin catches a break before being broken.

it’s been three weeks since the fight outside the club. 

three weeks of ignored calls and unread texts. three weeks of  _ tell her i’m not home _ and cancelled pre-made trips. three weeks of gifts sent to her door that have either been left out, thrown out, or sent back completely. three weeks of complete and utter radio silence.

it’s been three weeks of hyunjin living a life without heejin.

there have been days in between where hyunjin thinks that, maybe, she’s being a little bit too harsh by ignoring heejin so abruptly. this is (was? she doesn’t know anymore) her best friend since birth. the one person she had never fought with before in her nineteen years of living—so how could she stop talking to her so quickly? 

but, at the same time, she realizes, it isn’t that harsh because heejin lied. to her, of all people. and it wasn’t a small lie. it wasn’t about eating hyunjin’s last pastry or accidentally losing her favorite bag. it was her lying about something so serious, and directly to hyunjin’s face, that makes it worse. if it was some random person off the street, sure hyunjin would still be mad, but she would forgive heejin eventually. but this was a lie about ha sooyoung, the one person they swore and promised to never be around. and heejin broke the promise and lied all in one breath.

so hyunjin doesn’t know how to feel right now.

“still being a sulky little baby i see, huh?”

hyunjin scowls and swallows down the scathing retort on the tip of her tongue as park chaewon slides into the seat across from her. she looks as immaculate as always, hyunjin notes bitterly, freshly dyed black hair cascading down her back in loose ringlets and donning a dress so expensive it would make even hyunjin herself feel bad if she knew she didn’t have the same hanging deep in her closet still untouched from the day it was gifted to her. it’s a stark contrast to hyunjin’s current appearance: cap pulled low on her head and her favorite lazy day sweats. she wonders, idly, how chaewon can bother being seen with someone so frumpy at the moment, but decides not to ask to relieve herself of the insult that would be sure to follow.

instead, she watches as chaewon signals to the waitress at the counter, then turns back to hyunjin with a look that’s a cross between mild contempt and pity. it makes hyunjin’s stomach turn and she can’t handle being pitied by park chaewon of all people.

“how did you find me and why are you here, park? i didn’t think downtown diners were your idea of a fun sunday.” 

chaewon sniffs, eyes rolling at hyunjin’s obvious smart remark. “you forget yourself, kim hyunjin. i am the one who showed you this place years ago, after all.” there’s a cup of coffee and an icing covered pastry set down in front of chaewon, the girl giving a small smile to the waitress in thanks before her attention turns back to hyunjin once more, voice lowering as she stares at the girl, “you also forget that i know this is where you run off to when life becomes too much to handle.”

hyunjin swallows harshly against a drying throat, looking anywhere in the diner just so she doesn’t have to look at chaewon. she hates when the younger girl is right, because it reminds hyunjin of past memories of when she, heejin, and chaewon were actually  _ friends. _ it reminds hyunjin of small arguments over dumb things between her and chaewon that heejin would try and fail at mediating. it reminds hyunjin of running away instead of apologizing for fighting and finding herself sat at this very diner. it reminds hyunjin of calls from heejin asking where she is, but of chaewon actually  _ knowing _ and finding her instantly.

it reminds hyunjin of when things weren’t perfect, but they were okay and nothing was broken.

she shakes her head quickly, ridding herself of the memories and faces chaewon again. the girl is lazily sipping at her coffee, as if knowing where hyunjin’s mind had been, and gives her the first genuine smile hyunjin has seen from her in years. chaewon sets her cup down and pushes the pastry to the middle of the table, eyebrows raising as she appraises hyunjin for a moment in silence. 

“i know i’m the last person you want to be seeing right now,” chaewon starts, holding a fork out to hyunjin and her smile slipping into something smaller and warmer, something more caring, “but i also know you don’t want to be alone right now. and if you can’t be with  _ her _ , you’d want to at least be with someone who understands.”

hyunjin hates that chaewon still knows her. because its been five years since they last spoke and people can change in that amount of time. but it seems that no matter how much hyunjin thinks she changed and no matter how much hyunjin wants to believe that chaewon changed, the younger girl still just  _ knows _ . 

so she just nods, reaching out to take the fork and cutting into the pastry, taking a bite without a word and glancing away as chaewon’s smile broadens at the realization that dawns on hyunjin’s face. 

(it’s a cinnamon apple tart, hyunjin’s favorite. which means chaewon remembers, and she’s serious about being here for hyunjin.)

hyunjin smiles.

———————-

“so like i said before—i know i’m your last choice when it comes to most anything now,” chaewon starts as her car pulls up outside hyunjin’s home three hours later, “but if you want to run off, at least let me know. i’ll plan a trip and you can try cinnamon apple tarts in, like, dubai next time.”

hyunjin laughs at the absurdity of the comment, but chaewon’s gaze and slight pout tell hyunjin that the girl means it. despite their time apart, chaewon still cares, hyunjin realizes, because she’s willing to drop everything just to make sure she’s okay. it’s weird, she thinks, coming to the realization that park chaewon still is, remarkably, the same girl from four years ago that demanded hyunjin call her pet goldfish cha-cha because  _ it only makes sense that a goldfish be named after a golden haired goddess, hyunjin _ .

so hyunjin nods at chaewon’s request, smile pulling at her own lips as she impulsively reaches over and pulls the girl into a hug. it’s nice to remember that chaewon’s hugs contrast the outwardly bitchy exterior she holds. she’s warm and soft, and her fingers still instinctively comb through hyunjin’s hair in such a calming way that it transports her back in time once again. so she pulls away before she gets lost in the memories, mumbling a promise to call if she wants to get away again, then slips out of the car with a wave over her shoulder. 

the last thing she sees as chaewon’s car descends back down her driveway is chaewon’s small hand waving out the window, a  _ make sure you call me _ following behind it.

“i see you and chae are friends again.”

hyunjin sighs deeply, fingers tightening around the strap of her bag and teeth digging harshly into her bottom lip. she should have known her time away from her problems would be short spent, would be nothing more than a small breather before she was dunked back under. but while she knew something like this would happen, she didn’t expect it to happen now, and like this.

she turns and side-steps the figure leaning against one of entrance pillars, barely sparing a glance as she digs into her bag for her keys. the faster she can get inside and lock herself away, the faster she can go back to ignoring life and all the useless crap it keeps trying to pile onto her shoulders. 

(she may have known this would happen, but it doesn’t mean she has to deal with it  _ now _ .)

before she can even put the key into the lock, there’s fingers wrapping around her wrist, grip tightening just so in warning when hyunjin makes to pull away,  “are you really going to ignore me after all we’ve done for you? shame, shame. and here i thought i’d at least get a thank you to take back with me.”

there’s a lilt to the words, as if this is all a game, and it makes hyunjin sick to her very core. because she knows that it’s her own fault she’s here. she sought  _ them _ out because she didn’t know what else to do, and now she has to lay in the bed she made no matter how badly she wants to just burn the whole bed, and the room it resides in, to the ground.

“what do you want, hyejoo?” she questions harshly as she turns, finally shaking her wrist free and folding her arms across her chest. hyejoo has the right of mind to at least look a bit apologetic at her actions before, the younger girl raising her hands in defense and flashing hyunjin a quick smile that reminds her of a time back when hyejoo was nothing more than just a kid.

(“i don’t think i want to follow in the family business,” hyejoo mumbles, fingers rubbing softly at the bruise that’s blossoming on her calf. she’s pouting and there’s a whine to her voice that makes hyunjin laugh, a hand reaching out to ruffle the younger girls hair. 

“then what do you want to do, huh? be a farmer? there’s not much stock in that.”

hyejoo rolls her eyes and swats at hyunjin’s hand lazily, shifting to lay back in the sand. it’s one of their pre-scheduled skip days at school, everyone deciding that they’d leave the moment heejin returned from an overseas business trip with her parents. heejin had seemed stressed when she returned, bags under her eyes deep and words stilted. but now, as hyunjin watches heejin splash in the water with chaewon and yerim while jiwoo yells for jungeun to hurry up with their snacks, hyunjin figures she must be okay. 

“not a farmer,” hyejoo finally starts after a moment, “but i just know not the family business. it won’t make me happy.”

hyunjin nods, because she understands. it’s hard having the burden of your family name weighing down on you, especially for someone as young and wholesome as hyejoo. 

“i like this. just being with all of you like this.” hyejoo’s gaze goes to the ocean and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smile blazes across her face, her mind obviously wandering. “chae promised me we’d go to italy over break. said we’d make authentic pasta and everything.”

hyunjin laughs because that sounds like chaewon. going above and beyond in whatever way she deemed necessary if it meant making hyejoo smile. she’s lucky they found each other. then, “and will that make you happy, joo?”

hyejoo nods, turning back to hyunjin. this time, her smile is so bright and big that it has hyunjin smiling herself.

she hopes that smile never leaves.)

hyejoo snapping in her face has hyunjin coming to, the frown now on the younger girls face a stark contrast to the memory seared onto her brain. it’s so weird, to see anything but that baby-like smile on hyejoo’s face that it has hyunjin glancing away, gaze finding the garment bag that hangs on the awning next to hyejoo’s head.

hyejoo taps the bag with her finger, throat clearing and demanding hyunjin’s attention once more. when she gets it again, she pulls an envelope from her back pocket with an over dramatic flourish, “you did good the other week at the club, apparently. i wasn’t there, but i heard it was a blast for everyone involved.” she shrugs, tucking the envelope between hyunjin’s crossed arms. “we’ll be in touch.”

with that, hyejoo’s turning to go, the usual bounce to her step that hyunjin had grown used to gone and replaced with a cool swagger she wasn’t sure the younger girl could possess. 

“oh, by the way?” hyejoo glances over her shoulder, brows furrowed and looking more like the little girl from years back. “i don’t know how all this will play out, but please don’t drag chaewon into this. i don’t want her getting on their bad side. you know how they are with… uncalculated circumstances.” she nods, then she’s off again.

hyunjin shakes her head, suddenly weak body sagging against her front door as she rips apart the familiar seal on the envelope.

the words  _ you are cordially invited to the official homecoming of miss wong kahei _ stares back at her, and hyunjin knows nothing good can come from this.


	6. interlude i: see no evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, yeojin knows nothing and everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @chuuniversai on twt.

yeojin may be the youngest, but it doesn’t mean she’s too naive to not notice everything that goes on when everyone gets together.

sometimes, when haseul comes over for their usual study session, yeojin will build up the courage to push her books aside (learning computer science at fifteen is hard and tiring and if her parents weren’t who they were, she’d spit in the face of whoever suggested she should follow in the family business—so she’ll take any chance she can find to not have to study it) and bring up the topic. and haseul is always willing to talk, because haseul is always tired of the drama and needs to vent. and she thinks young, unsuspecting yeojin, is always the best outlet to vent to.

so what yeojin doesn’t hear around the house (her mother is a terrible gossip and she constantly hears her moaning about _the ha’s this_ or _the park’s that_ whenever she can stop a maid long enough to listen) or from her cousin (nayeon moved away two years ago for college and yeojin thought the drama of their town would be the last thing on her mind, but whenever yeojin gets a weekly call from her to catch up, nayeon still somehow knows about _ha sooyoung’s tragic fall from grace—can you believe it, yeojinnie?_ or _jihyo told me her family bought out hyejoo’s family’s contract thanks to chaewon_ ), she hears from haseul.

“i don’t know how it all happened, really,” haseul starts, glasses pushed to the top of her head and fingers rubbing into her eyes. she’s tired and drained from everything happening, yeojin can tell. haseul is always the mediator, the middleman between everyones problems because she’s basically everyone's friend. she can play both sides and at some point, playing for two teams would obviously tire anyone out. “everything just fell apart somehow and i don’t know how.”

(yeojin thinks it has something to do with sooyoung and heejin. from what yerim told her, something “happened” and now everything would be more “fun”— whatever that meant in yerim’s cryptic language, anyway.)

“we were all happy in our little bubbles. sure there was tension sometimes, it happens when you have so many different people around each other, but it was never this bad.” haseul repeatedly twists the ring on her finger, a habit yeojin notices she does when she’s stressed or overthinking. she doesn’t know if it helps her really de-stress, but she does know that it’s special to her, remembers the smile on her face and tears in her eyes when kahei gave it to her before she boarded a plane back to china a year ago. she’s never seen haseul without it, not once, knows the ring is an anchor.

the twisting stops. yeojin blinks.

“this all happened that night at the club, when yerim asked us all to hang out. heejin seemed weird when soo, sol, and i showed up.” her voice sounds far off, as if recalling the night vividly, and yeojin sits back, watches haseul reach for her realization. “hee and hyun weren’t always the most… receptive to sooyoung, but i always chalked that up to their parents and the girls just following orders. but heejin seemed almost shocked, like she never expected to see sooyoung again a day in her life.”

more twisting. yeojin counts seven rotations around haseul’s finger before it stops again.

“then they all disappeared at some point. it’s like they were there then _poof_!” she smacks her hand against the table; yeojin jumps, “they were gone. i asked yerim if she saw them leave, but she just kept giggling. even tried to ask the kim’s but they just got up, grabbed yerim, and left without a word. by time sol and i got outside, they were already gone.”

haseul’s eyebrows pull together, her lower lip catching between her teeth and yeojin hates that she can’t do anything to help ease her mind. out of their entire circle, haseul is who yeojin is closest with. the older girl tutors her without question, treats yeojin like the little sister she always said she wanted, and is the only one who doesn’t look at her different just because she’s an im. haseul is everything yeojin admires (someone who doesn’t depend on their family name and instead makes a name for themselves) so it sucks that she can’t do anything to make her feel better the way haseul usually does for her.

yeojin reaches out and covers haseul’s hand when the twisting starts again, a smile curling onto her lips when the older jumps. “have you tried asking any of them what’s up?” she knows haseul hasn’t, because haseul would rather not step on toes and inconvenience people by probing into their lives—she would rather they willingly come to her. haseul shakes her head and yeojin sighs, patting her hand once before pulling away and sitting back once more.

“i’ll look into it for you, then. find out what’s happening.”

haseul looks skeptical, and yeojin doesn’t blame her. the last time yeojin said she would “look into it”, she’d somehow found her way into the emails of the politician who was running against haseul’s father last year. safe to say, after a little meddling and scouring through his trash folder (she’ll never understand how people don’t know that you should empty your trash if you really want to hide things), she found messages from overseas detailing how any funding sent through his website would be funneled into his own bank account and not toward any of the environmental or community promises he made.

so when it came out that his site was mysteriously hacked, and all his emails were being displayed on every major news website in the country while all the money he had obtained had anonymously been donated to multiple organizations, no one was the wiser.

(yeojin may not _like_ studying computer science but it doesn’t mean she isn’t _good_ at what she does.)

haseul twists the ring again. yeojin waits.

three.

two.

one.

the twisting stops. then, “okay, do your thing.”  
  


* * *

  
three hours later finds yeojin alone, sprawled across her bedroom floor, head in her hands as she curses everyone older than her for being so oblivious and stupid.

she knows she got the go ahead from haseul to do whatever she deemed necessary to find out the truth, but she’s sure the older girl wouldn’t exactly approve of her full out hacking into the jeon’s home security system and watching as jeon heejin herself sneaks through the corridors of her home with none other than ha sooyoung attached to her arm.

yeojin shakes her head as heejin turns back, shushing a laughing sooyoung.

she grimaces when sooyoung tugs at heejin’s hand, pulling her back and in.

she turns away just before their lips meet, mind reeling.

(when haseul said tension and yerim said fun, she never imagined it would be something like this.)

yeojin sighs, rubbing at her face tiredly.

“gross. i should have just stuck to studying.”

her computer sounds a few minutes later, the familiar ringtone she set for haseul echoing through her room for a few seconds before she’s accepting the video call, the older girls face lighting up her screen, eyes dropping in exhaustion and mild concern.

“so did you find anything out?” haseul asks after a few seconds of brief silence between them. yeojin’s eyes glance back to the video feed from before, noticing that the hallway is now empty, assuming the two have locked themselves away inside heejin’s bedroom. she wonders if haseul really wants to know, wants to somehow unknowingly throw herself into what yeojin is sure is going to be a cluster of drama from the way it was described to her. “jinnie?”

yeojin blinks, turning her attention back to haseul. she notices the frown on her face, the way it pulls lower than normal. notices the way her hair stands on end, as if she’d been tugging and twisting at it as she worried. she can tell how much this bothers the older girl, how not knowing anything and not knowing how to help is eating her up inside. yeojin knows haseul like the back of her hand, and she knows it’s killing her to not be able to make everyone happy like they were months ago.

yeojin also notices that the ring is gone from haseul’s finger now when she lifts her hands to rub at her face. knows that it’s all too much now.

then, “nope, sorry. i tried all i could— not a thing to find. maybe this is all just some big misunderstanding, you know?”

(haseul nods, defeated but accepting, and yeojin feels her stomach turn. but if lying to haseul means taking that weight off her shoulders, then so be it.

maybe haseul with thank her in the end.

maybe.)

yeojin glances back to the video feed behind haseul as the older girl starts talking about her latest fundraiser, eyes widening just so as she now notices hyunjin standing in the hallway of heejin’s home, ha sooyoung pressed back against the wall and her shirt collar twisted into her fist, a smiling yerim standing at her side.

yeojin isn’t dumb. she isn’t naive or unsuspecting. she knows shit is about to hit the fan when she sees it.

(she sees heejin yelling,  
she sees hyunjin’s fist pull back.

she spares a glance back at the call and sees a smile on haseul’s face for the first time in a while.)

yeojin closes the feed just before hyunjin connects.


End file.
